If I had a million dollars…

(sing it with me!)

I’d buy you a fur coat (but not a real fur coat that’s cruel)

Gotta love Barenaked Ladies.  (And now I’m wondering what kind of hits I’m going to get since I’m typing “barenaked ladies” on the blog!  ARGH)

And you’ve also gotta love Margaret who tagged me for this (Margaret – who now sounds SO Utah on my answering machine. I cannot believe it!)

But back to the original point – me and a million smackeroos.  This is math and math is hard.  But I’ll try.

I’d start off tithing. Provided, of course, that I hadn’t stolen the money. Then, ya know, I wouldn’t tithe on it. First, it wouldn’t be a good idea for obvious reasons, like that Heavenly Father doesn’t want stolen offerings.  But also, with my luck, the ward clerk would be an undercover detective and could tip off the cops about who just tithed a fat load of money and next thing you’d know, I’d be in the pokey.  So either way, if I stole the money, I would not tithe.  But if I came by it honestly, I’d tithe on it. 

Already, the math is wonky based on whether or not I am a thief.  Let’s say I am NOT a thief.  That leaves me $900,000 – right?

First order of business, I’d get a manicure. I want my hands to look good as they are running around town handing out that cash to everyone.  Also, I’d get a pedicure, just because it’s nice for hands and feet to match, when possible.  And because I always need a pedicure.

Of course, I’d retire.  With that kind of money, I’d not need to work again. 

Wait.  

I don’t work. But if I did…..we’d just live on Shawn’s salary. He needs to work – keeps him focused.  

I’d probably get a golf cart. I’ve wanted one for a while now to get kids from school in and to grab groceries in.  I’d be the coolest mom if I had a golf cart.  Can you imagine Annie on the back of a golf cart?  That alone is worth getting one!

Like most everyone, I’d for sure pay off my bills and invest some of it.  And I’d probably pay off others’ bills too, if they’d let me. I’d buy some folks cars and homes so they could have a solid go at things, provided they wanted one. 

And that’d leave me pretty well penniless because $900,000 isn’t what it used to be. And that golf cart will be a chunk o’change and will take a dent out of the cash.

So – what would you do with a million dollars? Would you customize a golf cart with me?