Roots that hit an aquifer

Ever have a vision for you life?

And then your life rocks on and you think, “OK, that vision isn’t working out yet, but it will someday?”

And then your life rocks on past even that and you come to realize…

….good, bad, or other…

…your life isn’t going to look like that vision. The time has past. Ship sailed.

And you’d be OK with it, if you weren’t still sort of attached to the vision.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I have a dang good life.

And I know that. And I also know

NO ONE

wants to hear about people with dang good lives all crying and whining that they want better.

It’s like the person who goes on the cruise to Europe that you’ve always dreamed of going on and when she comes home, she only complains the food wasn’t as good as it could have been. All the while, you believe you would have been satisfied with even a tour of the ship. No one wants to be that girl.

But I’m sort of in that girl’s place right now. And by “right now” I mean, I’ve been there a while and it is

oh

so

unattractive.

For some time, I’ve been reflecting on the fact that I never ever no never thought I’d STILL be living in Central Florida. I missed my chance to travel and see the world in high school and college by thinking that, as poor as I was then, someday I’d have more money and would go and live in fascinating places. I had big plans for my life. I had hoped we’d move and move and move and that I’d finally escape Florida and get to see the world. Is it a big problem to never get to move and see the world? No. Is it a deal breaker in a marriage? Heavens no. Is it my dream to live in East Orlando until I die? Uhhh, sorry friends that I adore – but no. I’d love to, ohhhh, see a mountain or hike a trail that doesn’t have palmetto bushes on it or live where parks include gorges. Even desert life is sounding good about now. A super bonus would be living where there is a rich side of history and culture that I don’t already know all about from having lived here a long, long time.

Is this a real conundrum? Again, I say no. Things like cancer and job loss and poverty, those count as conundrums. This counts as maybe – a heartache? A really smallish one, if that. But I often feel like I bring nothing to the table in terms of conversation about cultures and places. I’ve been in Florida since I was born. I know Florida. And no one cares what I know about here – until they are coming on vacation. And being an expert in Mickey Mouse wasn’t exactly the vision I had for my life. I am not well-traveled and erudite. I don’t have the frames of reference that others do. When my friends leave all summer for (what always sound like fun and CHEAP) destinations and they stay with their families for weeks at a time, escaping the oppressive heat, I stay home and look those places up on the internet. Lame but that is totally for realzers. I got no place to go to. And (not that I don’t love her, but) staying with my mom all summer isn’t going to be super exciting as she lives on the other side of my same town.

WOE IS ME!

OK, so that said, for whatever reason, that has been seriously bugging the living tar out of me lately. It gets worse every year, but it’s kind of fiercely bad the past few years. Shawn gets job calls sometimes and you should see me practically salivate at the thought of moving anywhere. I am downright ridiculous. And always, we stay. And I feel just a little less refined. A little less traveled. A lot uncultured. A lot home-marmie. (Is that a word? It should be.) This past few weeks, I’ve felt really ridiculously low about it and even prayed to just not be such a grump about living in a beautiful home in a beautiful area with my beautiful family and friends. Because even I know this is NOT a problem. Still, my heart seems to think otherwise. In a lot of ways, I have a really adventurous heart trapped in a very 1950s style life.

Go ahead. Roll your eyes. I roll them at myself. It’s OK. Now stop the eye rolling so you can read.

Fast forward to Stake Conference this weekend. I prayed in sincerity just to have some relief in feeling so inadequate and so simple. I prayed for other stuff too – you know, things that really matter – but that was my little side prayer of personal greediness.  I am ashamed to utter it now, although I wasn’t ashamed to pray it because 1. I really did pray for important stuff and 2.I know God totally gets how much I wish I could just put a toe over the FL/GA line. And seeing as He made the rest of the world, I’m betting He wants me to see it.

We had several wonderful speakers for Stake Conference including Elder Anderson. His humility makes him so endearing and he often mentioned that, in the past, he enjoyed living in Florida. He had lived here for a long time in Tampa and I believe his wife is a native Floridian. I enjoyed his comments about relationships and the gospel in the parameters of eternity and I felt like I was learning a lot. But I continued feeling really sad, as I almost always am, that I will never live in Salt Lake or Europe or any of the other cool places he mentioned.

And yes, even I am sick of myself when I am like this. But hold on!

So, his wife stood up to speak and she asked him, before doing so, if he had anything he wanted her to address. I bet she was thinking he’d go with a topic like “salvation” or “missionary work” – something good and religious-y. I mean, this was a religious conference. Instead, he said to her, “Talk about Florida.”

Immediately, I went to my 0_0 place. She was just going to speak off the cuff about Florida? I was intrigued and skeptical that this was going to do me a fat lot of good.

And then she said that it was a great privilege to be from Florida. She lives in Utah now, but she values her upbringing here. She went on to say that values she feels strongly about were established in her because she is from Florida. She mentioned that her testimonies of her leaders came from being taught and lead by people right here in Florida.

As she spoke, her sentiment about the Florida LDS lifestyle resonated with me.

Rightly or wrongly, my Mormon-ness and my Mama-ness comes not only from how I how I was raised and have lived, but from how I was raised and have lived….in Florida. What I find important are things I learned here. What I value, I value because people here taught it to me. What I’ve been exposed to  - and not exposed to – have made me who I am. What I treasure and what I like – those tastes and even dislikes were formed from a life right here. And especially how I feel about my religion and gospel, those are the product of leaders and teachers and friends here in plain

ole

flat

touristy

Florida.

I know who I am in the gospel and what I want to be, because of my Florida experiences. The lessons I have learned were taught to me at the hands of Florida dwellers. Both in finer moments and in ones like these where I’ve been whining, I’m a testament to what the LDS population in Florida can produce. Today, in hearing this woman speak, I felt a lot less inadequate and a lot more like I need to value wherever I am and see what I can learn. It’s that old Bloom Where You’re Planted and I’m planted here. Guess I better start blooming. It’s not a bad place to grow.

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